excitement without breath

Disconnecting

2012-01-28T03:20:00.000+08:00

The night is quiet, calming. The stars are hiding behind thethick, black sky. Everything is just.. dark..

I don’t mean to complain about my life, about what I’mfacing, and what I’m keeping inside. But tonight, as I’m typing this out, Ijust want to let everything out of my chest. I believe life is a blessing andit comes with a purpose. I believe at this very moment, Allah is the onlywitness I have to tell the society, that I’m laying here on my bed, trying toaccept the fact that I’m alone.

Ya Allah, I feel lonely. I might laugh and smile all thetime, but deep down inside, I'm hurt, sad and crying. I tried so hard stayingpositive, but when something came along the way and make me feel down, I'llshatter again. I can’t, Ya Allah. I don’t have that power of moving on you oncegave me.

I turn you on whenever I feel down

2012-01-27T22:36:00.001+08:00

I was broken

I was choking

I was lost

THIS BAND SAVED MY LIFE

Because of you, my life has a purpose

2012-01-26T02:20:00.002+08:00

“I don’t just go on with life, get myself busy, and pretend like nothing’s happening while deep down inside, I’m hurt. Even losers admit they are losers”

“Maybe sometimes you feel better when you’re alone. But just sometimes. There are times in life where you need something to rely on. Something or someone. Your decision”

“In the end of the day, what matters most is that you make choices not for the sake of making choices”

“The truth is difficult. Having to face reality is difficult. Life is difficult”

We were sitting by the lake. I was listening to him, talking about his past life, regrets and hopes for the future. He was playing some Simple Plan on his blue lefty fender. I sang along with his perfect strumming. At the middle of the Untiltled Song, he stopped. And he started talking, or more to self-rambling talk, but I know he was still talking to me.

"Is it true that some of our strength comes from suffering? That suffering hardships makes us stronger? That those of us who have never known a real hardship, and true suffering, cannot have the same strength as others, who have suffered much? And if that is true, does that not mean that your argument is the same thing as saying that we have to be weak to suffer, and we have to suffer to be strong, so we have to be weak to be strong?"

Sincerity.

I saw that in him. He carried something in his eyes. He carried such an honest, innocent heart. So much warmth, so much compassion. No, I’m not telling you a love story. I’m not telling you about the person I love. But I’m telling you how a person, who does not even matter to you, but has been taking care of you like it’s your last day, can be your source of inspiration. Some sort of the purpose to continue life.

"Mira, I hope we'll be friends for life".

My heart smiled, and I whispered to myself, "Me too".

The night is quiet. The lights are gloom. The air is cold, quiet, calm. I wish I could talk about last night. But it's almost impossible to write about something that I cannot entirely comprehend.

Thank you for your honesty.

Failure

2012-01-25T18:56:00.001+08:00

I picked up the pencil, and deep in thought stood for a moment, holding it at either end, absently flexing the wood. It bent, and then snapped in two. The sound of splintering, cracking wood was satisfying in its finality.

It was broken and could never be repaired.

I wonder

2012-01-25T18:19:00.000+08:00

if you know I'm no longer who I was.

I don't think I can handle another loss

2012-01-23T02:28:00.002+08:00

You did not just break Captain's heart when you subbed Arsha for Ox.

But you break our hearts too, Wenger. The fans of your team.

Hiding behind

2012-01-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

Your eyes are on me

your heart is taking care of me

if you see my best you keep it

if you see my bad you spread it

hypocrites.

Call me names

2012-01-20T22:51:00.001+08:00

The hardest thing about changing for the better is some people might won't believe it actually works on you.

Sometimes the secret is so painful, and buried in so deep, that it becomes forgotten.

The start of school.. ended up with this

2012-01-03T04:12:00.000+08:00

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It was such a disgraceful game. There was only one team in the second half, and we don't deserve anything else but a loss. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's all the referee's, djorou's, and squillaci's faults. Arsene Wenger, it's your tactic that matters. I’m trying not to let my anger and disappointment cloud my ability to stay rationale. Please just buy Podolski and get some defenders.

The happiness of the players - that's all I want. Seeing the players happy makes me even more happy. And this is the part where we blame everyone on the team…that isn’t named Robin Van Persie.

Everyday

2012-01-01T02:46:00.002+08:00

is just another day. Maybe someday you'll see me running from reality. Because I'm not firming a grip anymore. I let the life leads me to anywhere. Even the very end.

Change

2011-12-31T00:55:00.000+08:00

time in time.

Honestly

2011-12-28T01:41:00.002+08:00

When a team plays against Arsenal, suddenly their goal keeper turns into the best in the world.

espn news

I was proud of the boys, no lies.

But you guys need to stop doing this to me, Arsenal.

WE NEED PODOLSKI. I mean, really. and Gotze too, Wenger. Not a freaking teenager, not a cheap-signing striker. But matured ones, mentally and physically.

It's meaningless

2011-12-26T03:03:00.001+08:00

I am touched when the ones I don't even know wished me on my birthday, while the one who once promised would die for me DOES NOT EVEN.

The tears of happiness

2011-12-26T01:33:00.003+08:00

Out of all the birthday wishes I received, these are ones that made me cry. Ya Allah, thanks for giving me the chance to know these creatures. May you guys live in His blessings. Amin.

Assalamualaikum Ina. Happy Birthday :D May Allah bless you. Aku mintk maaf, selama kau hidup 14 tahun ni aku rasa aku tak pernah jadi best friend kau yg betul2 best friend punya. aku tak tahu apa dah jadi kat kau, apa yg kau dah lalui. Tapi based on apa yg aku nampak, dah banyak benda yg kau buat tapi aku tak tahu and kau dah byk change for good. I'm glad and aku hope kau dapat bimbing aku dalam Islam. Aku igt lagi kalau kau ni ada masalah, aku ni asyik nasihat je tp tak tolong pun kau selesaikan. Sebab tu je yg aku mampu. Sebab kau tak cerita apa masalahnya dan aku pun tak menanya. Sorry. Ina, aku rasa bertuah sgt sbb dapat kenal kau, gaduh dgn kau, and jadi bff aku. Aku rasa bertuah sgt sbb sejauh mana pun kau, kau tetap igt kat kitorang. Ina, aku sayang gila kat kau. Tak sanggup aku nak tengok kau sedih, ada masalah. Maybe aku tak boleh always ada untuk kau, tapi Allah ada. Ina, ingat, bersyukur dan hargai apa yang kita ada sebelum Allah ambil drpd kita. Aku bersyukur sebab ada org yang aku percaya boleh jagakan kau, yg boleh ceritakan apa yg jadi kat kau kalau kau sendiri tak nak cerita kat aku. Hehe. Thank you sbb kau selalu layan kitorang, layan kitorang mcm biasa, although dah lama tak jumpa. Bagi aku kau ni perfect walaupun aku tahu yg perfection isn't an existence. Lastly, jangan lupa cakap thank you dekat Allah sbb dah 14 tahun kau hidup. ILYSM XD -Shima

Her name is Ina Amira. So she's finally 14 today! She's been my friend for a long long time. We've been friends since kindergarten. She's a smart girl and she's so gifted. By that I meant very gifted. Music, arts and sports are passion. A gooner for life. Love debating, has her own opinions on everything (smart and true ones, of course), she plays basketball, she loves photography, writes wonderful quotes and poems, loves drawing, and she plays guitar. Genius, I could say? Haha. I don't have much to talk about so I'm gonna end this here, my battery is draining anyway. So happy birthday, Ina! May Allah bless you always, and looking forward to meeting you soon lol. Happy Birthday! ☺ -Blackmafia

Si cantik si comel si gojes si pandai si cool omg you're so cool Ina I suka stalk you keh keh noying tak buat pengakuan cenggini? muehehe -Sheera

KING! Despite kau ni bajet, suka poyo dengan aku, suka sakitkan hati aku, suka show off kau lagi updated, suka buat aku nangis, suka tak dgr cakap aku, suka rasa kau paling bagus, kau tetap kawan aku yg muda setahun dunia akhirat YO KING! Have a blast! saye mu :D -Bak

First time aku jumpa awek pakai tudung skate , I know that girl was different . yes , sebab dah jatuh tapi still buat muka bajet cool . tengok muka kau , sesiapa pun boleh tau la kau ni sombong . tapi silap kalau tengok muka je tapi tak kenal . kau the only person yg cakap aku ni lain , sebab aku bengap . sebab aku ikut perasan sekali kalau kau perasan . Kelakar bila ramai org ingat kita couple , padahal kalau aku dekat sikit dengan kau pun kau dah bising , kan ? Ramai jugak orang cakap yg kau ni take aku for granted . Cari aku just for certain cases je , mcm nak kena buat lagu ke , nak cari a shoulder to cry on ke . Tapi pada aku tak . We play it fair and square , kan ? Kau baik dengan aku , aku baik dengan kau . Tapi katakanlah one day kau buat taik kat aku pun , aku still anggap kau kawan aku dunia akhirat . Adik aku . Sebab apa ina ? sebab kalau tak ada kau , tak adalah aku yg bangang ni . kau tau tak , dulu before aku jumpa kau , i lost hopes in life . ye la , nak consider kan family aku yg dah hancur , aku ni pulak dulu jenis pendam je so I didn’t have much friends . tapi bila jumpa kau , my life is colored . hidup aku sunyi mmg sunyi , but it is colored with your voice , your laughs yang mcm setan tu , your smiles . kau buat aku appreciate life . kau buat aku rasa nak hidup . kau buat aku igt yg aku selalu ada Allah bila aku lupakan Dia . aku tak kisah la kalau kau tak penah nak confess aku ni penting dalam hidup kau . sebab aku tau aku penting. Kalau tak , mana lagi kau nak curahkan perasaan kan , mana lagi kau nak lepas kan geram kau kalau bukan dekat aku . and setiap kali kau bg tau aku yang aku ni pemegang terbesar rahsia rahsion kau , aku terharu . sebab org yg secretive mcm kau sanggup berkongsi dengan aku yg tak pandai simpan rahsia ni . tapi apa2 pun ina , segala budi jasa baik tak baik kau , Allah je king mampu balas . Happy Birthday , Ina . Have a blast . Kau kawan aku dunia akhirat , ingat tu . -Dan

YAW KING :) Yo the awesomest person on Earth. Tak pernah aku jumpa orang yang berani langgar perintah aku! Haha but anyway, remember kau tu gifted, talented, ed ed seangkatannya, jangan sesekali salah gunakan all your kelebihans tu, Allah boleh tarik bila2 masa dia nak ina. So, Happy 14th la yaww. May your life full of His blessings, aku tau one day kau akan succeed. Hold my words, King :) -Daju

INA MY DARLING <3 Hmm kesian kau. Ramai org label kau lesbian sebab aku kan? Haha honest confession, Ina, I am a lesbian tapi pada aku kau kakak aku. Okay? Walaupun birthday kau bru muncul hari ni, tp sesungguhnya kau sgt sgt sgt la lg matang dari aku yg childish ni. So far sumpah ko sorg je yg berani tampar aku bila aku hyper! Hahaha aku nak kau selalu igt, kau selalu dalam hati aku forever and always. Aku sayang kau. Tak kesah kalau kau tak sayang aku tapi nanti aku sedih la. Hihi king, ILYSM HAVE A BLAST K SAYANG? LOVE YA. -Sophea

Ko ni awesome actually. Handsome pun ade. Hahaha aku nak awek mcm kau, tp kurang siket eh retardness tu. Have a blast, king! We wish you all the best, okay? –Ejam&Zarul

Ina Amira, a girl with the most breathtaking smile you will ever see. She's smart, drop dead gorgeous and incredibly funny. She's different, very different. She has this one thing when I talk to her about my problems I felt that as if the problems were never exist. She helped me a lot this year. I told her everything about my life and she listened to it all. She's a good listener. She doesn't understand what I was going through but I know she tried. She knows a lot about life, although she's only fourteen. She inspires me a lot and she's there when I need someone to talk to. Ina, if you're reading this then I want you to know how much I thank Allah for meeting me with someone like you. You're one in a million, Ina. You're different and unique in a good way. You are the friend everyone wishes to have and you are mine. If you feel down and all, just let it out to me. You know I'll be there for you. Although we're not in the same class nor the same dorm but I hope we will be as close as we used too. You're one of the reasons why I'm going to miss 2011. You're one of the reasons I move on in life. You're one of the reasons why I still have hopes in life. You're one of the reasons why I don't give up. You're one of the reasons why I smile. Happy Birthday Ina. You make the world something I deserve too :') -Iqa

Wlupun kau tk pernah pandang aku sebelah mate, apetah lg appreciate aku, kau tetap the worst singer in the world! Haha ustazah paling best di duniee! Haha happy birthday , kiddo! Remember aku tua, hormat aku ok? Kau awesome!! Jom layan dota! ahahaha -Fariq

Kau banyak ubah hidup aku. Kau banyak suruh aku nangis bila aku sedih. Kau banyak suruh aku gelak bila aku tak ada reason untuk gelak. Kau selalu marah aku bila aku marah orang lain. Kau selalu nangis sebab aku bila aku kena kutuk. Kau selalu lawan cakap aku bila kau memang salah. Kau selalu pertahankan ego kau sebab kau nak menang dengan aku. Kau memang jahat. Kau memang tak boleh harap kadang-kadang. Kau lah king, kau lah boss. Semuanya kau. Tapi aku tak menyesal jumpa kau, Ina. Sebab kalau aku tak jumpa kau, tak mustahil aku dah dimamah bumi weh. Honestly kau manusia paling perfect pernah aku jumpa, don’t deny. Kau satu satunya org yang sanggup korbankan kebahagiaan sendiri demi orang lain. Satu-satunya orang yang sanggup tak senyum sebab kawan kau sedih. Satu-satunya kawan aku yg appreciate her friends more than everything. Ina, aku tak kisah org nak kata kau lesbian ke, anti-social ke, sebab aku tau your love is one faith thing yang confirm orang lain tak ada. You’ve been hurt a lot, and it brings you to who you are today, kan? Happy Birthday Ina, May Allah Bless you forever and always. I love you. I need you. Yes. I do. -Fyaa

Having you around

2011-12-24T13:37:00.000+08:00

I want to have you around
not because it's convenient
not because I'm poor
not because everyone else is having friends
not because I'm bored and lonely
but because I want you to be around.

Change the heart

2011-12-24T01:56:00.001+08:00

It warms my heart seeing young, talented musicians being able to do what they love and having people appreciate them.

A sense of peace and melancholic serenity.

Will we ever know what is light if there is no darkness?

Will we ever appreciate life if there is no death?

Will we ever truly feel love if there is no suffering?

Will we treasure something truly beautiful if nothing before it is ugly?

Will we find our soul mate if we have never met all the wrong ones?

Will we ever know what is real if we have never dreamt?

Will we ever have faith if we have never lost it?

To realize our bad, and promise to never do it again,

But then again, we're only humans in the end.
[The Pair, Dec 23 2011]

Helped by few pals. Inspired by the beautiful Azan.

I've never heard of any sound, any song, any music, more beautiful than that. And I know I'll never hear anything else that will sound any more beautiful than that. Subhanallah.

Used to the pain

2011-12-22T00:32:00.004+08:00

Allah gives us the great way of life. Being somebody when nobody wanted to be around.

It has been raining heavily for the past one week or two. It seems like it knows that my heart is pouring heavily inside too.

I tried to live as normal as possible, enduring the new changes in my life, following the flow. But somehow, it seems temporary. I might be laughing and smiling among friends, but when I'm all alone, it gets really quiet and lonely. I avoid seeing the people I know. It feels empty. How long more will it rain?

I can hear the world yawning. Things aren't really so bad. Just me.

The life doesn't lead me anywhere except the end. I believe Allah keeps on making me go through these rough roads, because He knows I can face it. Allah knows I have a strong heart. I know I do too. Or did. I used to be a person with a strong heart, someone who never whine. But I just shoved that person away.

I'd like to walk away from everything, and never wake up. I don't know how long I can bare the pain that I've buried inside.

Let me go through this rain with head held up high, because I deserve it.

White and red

2011-12-19T02:31:00.003+08:00

who’s that team we all adore?

they’re the boys in red and white,

and they fight with all their might

WE LOVE YOU ARSENAL

we do

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It was frustrating to see how you boys played, seemed without chemistry at all. Theo was missing in action, Arshavin and Chamakh were lost, Rambo was too worried, Song was too confident, and Djorou as well was bad. But Verma and Sczs are my men of the match. Despite the result, I think we played our best, just a bit unlucky not to grab the 3 points. It's not all about winning, it's about playing, remember? ~~Joe Hart played with passion, really.~~

and as always, the most disgrace referee award goes to Phil Dowd. He loves yellow cards. and well well, if it isn't a handball... I supposed I need an explanation?

We are led here by heart

2011-12-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

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BRING IT ON YOU GUN

Why

2011-12-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

Is there anything wrong with your eyes?

Yes, ada air yang sentiasa keluar mengalir.

Langit tak selalunya cerah, pokok tak selalunya hijau. Mungkin pada saat ini, di mana langit sedang menahan air yang terkandung di dalamnya dari tumpah membasahi bumi, ingin menunjukkan bahawa dia kuat untuk menahan setiap apa yang tersirat di dalam, tidak akan bertahan lama. Macam aku. Mungkin jika hujan turun sebentar nanti, aku baru kenal erti kehidupan. Kehidupan yang menyakitkan. Yang menyiksakan. Aku pun tak tahu, mungkin aku agak terkilan juga bila rasa semua orang buat tak perasan yang aku kini sendiri, cuba bangun dari pelbagai cabaran dunia yang tak pernah adil untuk aku. Banyak kali aku bangun bila aku jatuh, tak kira apa cabaran pun, aku akan bangun dan teruskan semuanya. Tapi kali ni aku bukan jatuh biasa. Kali ni mungkin aku boleh cakap yang aku dah pun jatuh tersungkur, tenggelam dalam lubuk busuk ciptaan orang sekeliling aku. Kejatuhan yang menyakitkan. Aku cuba bangun gagahkan diri, tapi tetap tak terbangun gagah seperti dulu. Dah macam-macam aku redah tapi aku tak pernah rasa kalah macam ni. Dah macam macam dah. Berkali-kali aku cuba bangun, berkali-kali juga aku cuba dijatuhkan. Cukuplah dengan semua ini. Boleh tak aku cakap aku dah muak dengan permainan dunia yang aku tak pernah sertai, tetapi terperangkap dengan semua ni? Dua pilihan yang mungkin Allah bagi pada aku sekarang ni, "Give up, or fight back even though I can't win it anyway". Aku dah penat jadi sampah yang dipijak. Aku nak tunjukkan pada dunia aku kuat. Walaupun tanpa tangan aku dipimpin, walaupun dengan hati aku dihiris. Tapi aku tak kuat. Aku tak kuat, Ya Allah. Aku lemah. Aku kerdil. Kenapa aku?

I can't stand the pain, I can't make it go away

2011-12-11T19:40:00.001+08:00

Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds

-Al-A'raaf 7:55

Pandanglah aku dengan pandangan rahmatMu, Ya Allah.

Top 4 - It's nice to see you again

2011-12-11T18:20:00.001+08:00

[the video]
“I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would have a statue like this in front of the stadium of the team I love and support. The way the statue is, gives the perfect example of the love I have for the club — me kneeling facing the Emirates Stadium and Highbury behind is amazing"

"From the bottom of my heart, thank you Arsenal FC" -Thierry Henry

Honestly, I miss Nasri and Cesc both. I miss seeing them on field. I miss fab's fabulous goals. I miss seeing Nasri prayed in the fitting room before a match. How I wish Nasri had a very very high respect and deep love towards Arsenal. Like our legend. How.I.wish.

That’s our keeper showing gratitude on behalf of the Gooners worldwide. (One more goal and Persie beats the record for goals scored in a calendar year, which is currently held by Alan Shearer)

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Remember in the beginning of the season, when people thought that Arsenal was done for? Remember when people said that they’d never make it to the top of the table?

I never lied when I said I AM PROUD TO BE A GUNNER

Nothing changed

2011-12-08T16:37:00.001+08:00

Van Persie had a fight with Vermaelen, now he is at Arsenal.
Van Persie had a fight with Arteta, now he is at Arsenal.
Van Persie, please have a fight with Gotze and Hazard now.
via ArsenalFan

We lost to Olympiacos but yet still managed to knock them out of competition. Enjoy Europa League, City and Manutd. Gunners is in CL, still. Life is beautiful, isn't it, Ferguson?

Maybe I’m biased but I’d rather use Nick as Robin’s back-up than Chamakh.

Live smart, not hard

2011-12-07T01:22:00.001+08:00

My life a couple of weeks has consisted of paintbrushes, calm music, movies with family, late-night drinks while watching football, attempts to study Science, everything seems to be looking up, I’ve been having a pretty good week, despite some problems which I’d rather not talk about.

I want to breathe the fresh air, I want to hear the sound of the waves, I want to see the good scenery. But the world is a place which consists a lot of things. Be it, good ones or bad ones. We can’t always blame the bad ones; where’d the nice ones come from without the bad ones? Life does not always work as how you wish it would. Live smart, not hard.

Some people work so hard for attentions. Well yes of course, that is what attention seekers do. I’m tired of people these days. I am not a nice person, I don’t deserve to be called as an angel. But what is happening to the world now? What happened to the creatures in it? It was yesterday when I was in a bookstore, and I saw a kid cried so badly while holding a book (which I think costs around RM5 or 6). He was crying so hard, shouting and begging his mother to get him that particular book and you know that woman DID NOT even look at her kid, pretending like she did not know where did the kid come from, and ignored him. I almost cried, really. I can't figure out how a person could be so heartless, and did not get touch by the tears of an innocent kid. I wanted to come to the kid, and console him, give him some bucks to pay for the book so I won’t see any tears, I won’t see a kid, screaming, just.for.a.book. But I wasn't strong enough.

What’s happening to us, Malaysians nowadays? What’s happening to our languages, what’s happening to our respects towards the older ones? What’s happening to Anak Melayu, Islam, pakai tudung, pegang tangan, dengan lelaki, bukan mahram, sekarang? Belambak tepi jalan. What’s up with that? Where do you guys put your dignity, as a Muslimah at? Wait, muslimah eh? Nak kata Islam, rambut karat. Nak kata tak Islam, pakai tudung. Pegang tangan dengan lelaki pulak tu. Tak tau lah kalau baya-baya aku dah kahwin. Hebat. I’m sorry if my words are harsh, and if you think I am a nobody to say this, please think again. I’m not saying this because this is my blog so I can say anything I want, no. But I’m saying this because I’m sick of this life. In fact I don’t even think that every single one of us is accepted in life. I want a better life and even though you think you aren't a part of my life, you're wrong. We were born to correct each other, it's a responsibility.

Talking about tudung. I’ve seen many comments, or critics, on people wearing tudung. Honestly, susah nak jadi sempurna. Besar kemungkinan tak akan dapat jadi sempurna pun, as perfection isn’t an existence. Tapi tak salah kalau berubah untuk kebaikan. A friend of mine, Bak asked me ‘Free-free je lah kan pakai tudung kalau nampak kaki?’ Well, yes. Jangan pandang rendah soal aurat. Bila aku tengok myspace aku dulu pun aku terfikir, kenapa dulu aku tayang rambut free free je. But then I learnt. Never take ‘I am not ready’ as a reason. Lopek alasan tu. ‘Tak dapat hidayah’, whatever. I’m not assuming orang yang tak tutup aurat ni aren’t scared of God, I understand if they’re not ready to make certain decisions. Tapi satu benda, hidayah tu tak datang dengan sendiri. Kita yang kena cari. Macam kalau handphone hilang, kita cari. Sebab ada banyak contacts dalam phone tu, penting. Sama juga dengan hidayah, kita kena cari hidayah Allah, sebab ada banyak petunjuk dalam tu, penting. Tapi overall aku rasa siapa yang assume orang tak pakai tudung ni have bad personalities, get a life. Never judge people, we are all humans, remember? Dan jangan pandang terlalu tinggi pada orang yang pakai tudung ni. Setiap orang ada kelemahan dan kekurangan, let’s change for the better, shall we? Untuk akhirat. Untuk Allah.

“Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau lembutkan lah hati kaum hawa di muka bumi ini, terutamanya rakan-rakanku yang mana masih belum sempurna auratnya, untuk mereka suatu hari nanti, terbukalah pintu hati mereka bagi menyempurnakan seruanmu, Ya Allah”

Create. Not imitate.

2011-12-06T14:56:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I’d be happy if any of my words or pictures inspires people. I’m glad and grateful if what I do, or what I write is an example or an inspiration. Everything that I write, or every picture that I uploaded, here, or anywhere on the net, is to express my feelings, as well as to give out my opinions based on what I observed. I know everyone deserves to speak, but if you claim something that is not yours as yours, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Words and pictures are my boyfriends. I bet you know how it feels like if your boyfriend is stolen.

I hope I made myself clear. I’m saying this not because I feel like a celebrity and you are anything you are that you have to take MY properties, no. But I’m saying this because I am sure you can do better things without having to take my things, enough if they could inspire you. This is the nicest way I can figure out to convey on what I feel, so no hard feelings alright? Things would be better without me, or my things, wouldn’t they? Um and anyway, I only watermarked pictures that I took myself or I purchased anywhere on the net, so feel free to ask if you want the original pictures.

Chanting loud and proud

2011-12-04T10:58:00.001+08:00

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At final whistle, Szczesny came to fans, put his finger to lips. We were all quiet. Then he started singing 'We're by far the greatest team' :')

If you leave me

2011-12-03T01:43:00.001+08:00

can I come too?

You made your bed, and now you're lying on it

2011-11-30T16:43:00.001+08:00

We played with passion, with heart.

WE WERE BORN GUNNERS, REMEMBER?

I want to be in the rain

2011-11-28T17:13:00.001+08:00

and enjoy every second of it
pretending like nothing ever happened
while deep inside
I'm bleeding

A good leader inspires

2011-11-28T16:40:00.001+08:00

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"If things are not going as you want in the beginning it doesn't mean you have to quit. You have to fight for it. It's easy to quit and go somewhere else, but that doesn't mean somewhere else is better"
– Thomas Vermaelen

Searching for the strength I thought I had inside me

2011-11-27T01:03:00.001+08:00

I worship not that which you worship

Nor will you worship that which I worship

To you be your Way, and to me mine

[109-2:3:6]

Change me into a better person, Ya Allah. You are my guidance. Verily from You I came and to You I'll return.

The world isn't something I deserve

2011-11-26T01:25:00.001+08:00

I am tired to have beating up myself with my own voices. I am tired to live in a world I wish I've never had. I'm tired of all the stupid lies people throw at me. I am tired to be a person others see without a heart, so they hurt me easily, and went away. Just like that.

I regretted for giving too much damn about what others say.

Maybe you call it as giving up. Don't tell me it's too early to give up when we're at the end of the world. I'm probably born to be a failure, in everything. Even as a person.

It's my life you're talking about

2011-11-23T01:10:00.001+08:00

Jangan kacau. Jangan ambil peduli.
Langsung.

Blood is thicker than water

2011-11-20T13:53:00.001+08:00

I miss going to the field, running rounds, the grass beneath my running shoes, I miss the nerves before a race. I miss basketball, I miss my teammates, I miss playing matches, I miss training with the whole club, I miss my Guard partner who had turned me into a better player by scolding me in every single practice, I miss passing the ball around while counting, I miss my coach, I miss how he yelled at me if I dribbled the ball on my own and my opponent tabbed it, I miss the courts, I miss having tan lines that look like socks, I miss waking up as early as five in the morning to wake the seniors up and jog for ten rounds and do physical fitness. I miss everything.

An athlete never stops -Ayah

Never

2011-11-20T13:44:00.001+08:00

late.

No one understand what we were going through

2011-11-19T23:03:00.001+08:00

Don't say anything about us when you know nothing about us

I've hurt myself

2011-11-19T01:29:00.001+08:00

I was sitting there
at the corner of my room
alone
thinking it through
as the melody played
and as the pencil ran on the paper
and stopped
when the tears fell

I can't turn back time
and look on what I've done
and regret
and cry,
because life goes on
life goes on

Self-reminder

2011-11-07T00:23:00.002+08:00

Tudung adalah suatu kewajipan, tuntutan agama. Bukan trend.

true

Tudung dipakai bukan semata-mata untuk menutup aurat. Tapi juga untuk menjaga maruah.

true

Menutup aurat tak bermaksud tak boleh berfesyen, dan berfesyen tak bermaksud tak boleh menutup aurat.

true

Kenapa kalau kita sembahyang, kita cari telekung? Sebab aurat kita tak sempurna. Kalau aurat kita dah sempurna, kita tak payah sembahyang pakai telekung pun tak apa. -Kakak-

true

There are still a lot I have to learn. And change.

Remembering how easy Ayah helped me in essays, debates, speeches, I feel so small.

Listening to how fluent Ayah read Quran without even looking at it, I feel so small.

Looking on my sisters' results in their examinations, I feel so small.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I distracted, or am I having this kind of feeling; where you feel down, and buried in so deep that people do not think you are worth to be noticed.

I need a changed perspective. I need a better inner. I can't continue life with having a very high level of ego in the inside, because it brings me to nowhere but failure. I can't always expect to be the best. What is so wrong about being number two? Ya Allah, bless me with your bountiful wisdom.

You look at me like I've become a stranger on the street

2011-10-30T12:41:00.000+08:00

I guess this is the part where you look at me and say goodbye.

If God wills

2011-10-27T00:52:00.002+08:00

Hidup bukan untuk warna.

Bukan untuk muzik.

Bukan untuk gelak dan tawa

Tapi untuk akhirat.

I'm not saying that I'm tired of living, no. But I need to change.

I. need. to. change.

I respect everyone's opinion, but in this case, let me go on my own way. Let me have my says.

I don't know when my time is. I don't want it to be too late. I want to change. For the better. Insya-Allah.

Legend

2011-10-06T13:48:00.002+08:00

“Arsenal will be in my blood as well as my heart. I will always, always, always remember you guys. I said I was going to be a Gunner for life and I did not lie because when you are a Gunner you will always be a Gunner. The club is in my heart and will remain in my heart forever.”

-Thierry Henry

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I am a stranger and no one can stop me

2011-09-22T13:08:00.002+08:00

I am torn. Inside and outside.

I am trashed. And scattered.

I am nothing.

I am broken. And can't be repaired.

Please

2011-09-17T22:59:00.001+08:00

Accompany me.

Something hard, something you can never have

2011-09-15T13:41:00.000+08:00

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I honestly can’t even begin to describe the over-load cuteness and perfection of the both of them, as each and especially together. It’s just so obvious to me that they’re best friends and care a lot – and when I say a lot, I mean a really great lot – for each other. And if I still didn’t know that, all I needed to do was to go through some pictures from the Arsenal training just to see them always side by side, laughing and joking, running together and just being together.

And I actually cry every single time I see that photo of Nick with his arms up in the air, and in the background that wonderful banner with written ‘One Aaron Ramsey’, made in support of Rambo after his terrible injury last year. I honestly think that’s one of the most beautiful pictures in the whole world because it really shows how much they care for each other and love each other, it simply is an amazing sight, and I think a great example of friendship too.And the fact that Nick wanted to win the Premier League so much last year and do it for Aaron? And the fact that every time one of them score the first person they look towards is the other one?

How many other proofs do you need? Because I have plenty.

I have the tons of picture of the two of them together, and I have the nice words they always say about each other during their interviews. And I have videos of the two of them laughing together, and I just have this huge feeling – every time I see the two of them together – that Nick provides as a big brother for Aaron, I have this feeling that Aaron looks up to him as an example to follow.And then I have this security that they’re always going to be there for each other, and that’s all’s really needed in a real friendship.

"My best friend in Arsenal is definitely Aaron Ramsey"
-Nicklas Bendtner-

My heart

2011-09-03T22:37:00.005+08:00

is nowhere to be found

Some words are meaningful. Some are pointless. Some hurt.

2011-09-02T20:30:00.004+08:00

Me: "Ibu, kepala Iskandar besar ek. I just realized *laughed*"

Ibu: "Orang Cina kata, kalau kepala besar tu maksudnya pandai"

My brother: "Tapi Iskandar tak pandai pun, bu?"

"Ya Allah, Kau kurniakanlah keyakinan dan kepandaian kepada abang aku. Keyakinan dan kepandaian yang tidak pernah Kau kurniakan kepada sesiapa pun di muka bumi ini. Amin"

Lead me

2011-09-01T22:16:00.004+08:00

Where will I go
leave all the crowds
and start to live again
alone

In Arsene we trust

2011-09-01T01:49:00.008+08:00

“Since I was small I was an Arsenal fan. When I first went to England, I immediately got a couple of Arsenal jerseys”

-Per Mertesacker

"I am very honored and I feel very happy to be at Arsenal. It is a dream to be here and I am really proud to be an Arsenal player. Now I just want to show how good I am and prove myself"

-Chu Young Park

"I am delighted to have signed for Arsenal. It was one of my dreams to play for a major European football club and I have accomplished this. I am very happy to be part of this team. All the Brazilians who came to this club spoke wonders about it and I am delighted to be part of the Arsenal family"

-A.Santos 11

We don't give a damn on what Nasri said about Arsenal-The Selling Club. Nick is doing his medical at Stoke, and again we're hoping Nick to leave, and replaced by a player with better qualities. Sorry, Nick. But a player builds a club. Now that we feel a bit relieved and hope that Arsene and our defenders as well would not repeat the same mistakes. And get well soon - Verma, Sagna, Wilshere, Gibbs, Laci. We'll shine, remember.

Source: Arsenal.com

Stand on our own

2011-08-31T12:51:00.005+08:00

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)"

[Al-Hujuraat 49:13]

Lights

2011-08-31T12:21:00.005+08:00

Gloom.

It's time for you to sober, and not drunk again

2011-08-29T01:39:00.010+08:00

Arsenal's defense is poor -The Commentator

I was mad. In fact each and everyone of The Gooners were. Or are.
But we're not ashamed. Not. Ashamed.

A real team is a team where all players gather to be one - that's what my basketball Captain always said. There can't be only one person who works hard. There can't be only few who want to win. It has to be all. Everyone, yes. and what I'm trying to relate here is, I can't see the team Arsenal used to build anymore. In the game which we lost disgracefully today, I did not see team work. I did not see spirit. I. SAW. NOTHING.

Well let's make some reviews here, which I've been observing for quite some time.

Nasri.
We all know he's a good player, and will be spending the rest of his career at Man City. The reason he left arsenal was; low payment, and since he's in Arsenal (which had been 3 years), they never won a trophy. You see, Nasri should actually set Henry as an idol - he's a star and struggled to win the title Champion. And he did it. He never complained about the payment he received, Wenger himself increased his amount of payment, since he contributed something to the club. But Nasri? Demand gaji rendah, and in fact Nasri, why did you stop before you gain something? Jangan jadi sampah macam Adebayor, Hleb and Flamini.

Persie.
Persie's one of the oldest player at Arsenal, a matured one mentally and physically. Probably the reason he's still in Arsenal is because he owes Wenger who saved him back then from his old club, Feyenoord. It's undeniable he's an intelligent lefty striker, even he failed scoring a penalty just now. Like Henry, our captain never complained about the payment he receives and even rejected offers from Milan, Juventus and some other clubs which wanted to buy him. He'll never leave Arsenal, because says Persie it's an honor playing as an Arsenal player, which had been his dream since he was a kid. This is how a player should really be like.

Francesc Fabregas.
He'd got two trophies in Barca, and what more he was the one who scored, the hero. He made a statement that 8 years in Arsenal WAS NOT WORTH IT compared to 3 weeks in Barca. Is that what you really think? Think again, Cesc. Siapa kutip kau kat Barca back on 2003? Who have taught you to make such beautiful goals? But anyway, he was still committed playing in Arsenal even without a trophy. I believe this guy will shine. Always.

Arsene.
He's the one who raised up big, young stars. That principle's brilliant, maybe 10 years ago it'd work out. Unlike Barca who bought Cesc and Sanchez-young players with good qualities, our Boss spent too much for Jenkinson the pondan, Chamberlain, Djorou who was JUST a reserve back when he was at Birmingham. He could've spent those money by buying Gary Cahill, Juan Mata, Mikel Arteta, whoever. Wake up, Wenger. This is Arsenal, for God's sake. One of the best clubs in the world.

3 games, 1 point. 3 games, 3 red-cards.
Wake up, bbs.

Everything's fated

2011-08-28T00:48:00.006+08:00

I never said I was tough. I never said I can handle things easily. I never said I can pass through all the obstacles in life with one eye closed. I never said I could live forever. Alone.

Sometimes God gives you things you never wished for.

Sometimes God takes away your favorite things, people.

You can plan. You can figure. But you’ll never know what it’s like in the end.

I believe there are no such coincidences in life, everything is fated.

"Show us the straight path"
-Al-Faatihah 1:6

What's a journey without a few bumps?

2011-08-27T14:41:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna lock my heart and throw away the key.

We were born gunners, remember?

2011-08-24T10:04:00.002+08:00

never quit.

They don't know how many times we cried

2011-08-24T09:41:00.005+08:00

Kos with his back injured.
Rambo with his trauma of making an own goal.
Nasri with..

I'm sorry for being such a sentimental bastard, but let's face it.
Nasri with his last match before moving to Man City.

We're all the same

2011-08-20T01:31:00.003+08:00

I thought I would live forever, too.
Almost.

It's not falling - floating we call it

2011-08-17T09:37:00.003+08:00

The bottom of the bottom
The lowest of the low

Nobody ever said life was fair

We're all looking for something to take away the pain.

2011-07-24T15:27:00.002+08:00

lari dari kenyataan

nak kejar kegembiraan

Writing is not my passion, it's my way of expressing

2011-07-24T02:54:00.005+08:00

Expressing myself in my ways and interest in words, sentences and such things related to language be it in English or Malay, is the reason I continue writing.

I don't do novels, but journey I call it.

Life is how you inspire, you imagine, and you do.

I'll let you witness the ambiguous

2011-07-24T02:15:00.004+08:00

"We live to observe. And to observe is to change"

I might be the person people would not agree with. But I can live with that.

I might don't have the patience everybody has, but I can control myself.

But not all the time.

You may say I don't bother about what's happening around me, I'm such an ignorance, weird, annoying, whatever you name it. You deserve to speak out your opinions. Your perceptions. About me.

"You need a changed perception to be a better person" -Ayah

But I'm just a normal human, you know it. I am never pleasant enough to withstand my impatience when people say I am not the kind of person I know I am not. Especially if that person is the one whom I always thought would say all the good things about me, even if I don't have one. A friend.

If it's not from me you hear, you must have heard all the negativity.

Sometimes I don't get the world. I don't get why do people have to pretend to be the best, just for the sake of the attention, the glamorous, popularity, and what so not. I don't understand what is so exciting about claiming yourself as someone whom you know you are not. The reason why I can still live alone, even not happily, is because there's only me in my world. There's only myself that I know. And there's only myself I'm being. I observe, and I change, not imitate. Not pretend.

You can play, you can have fun, you can enjoy the excitement, you can lie. At the end of the day, its all in the hands of God. You choose.

We live to die another day

2011-07-14T08:43:00.005+08:00

Thanks to Riuh for borrowing your Samsung Galaxy.

I only watched last night's match through Arsenal TV in case you're wondering. Will be uploading the pictures Ayah took later, once I get home. InsyaAllah.

Nasri and Cesc stay. Nick's leaving. This is life.

ps: My new red kit is L-sized. Pretty big and so cute on me :)

I know you're somewhere out there....

2011-06-30T08:28:00.002+08:00

....somewhere far away

Completely finished

2011-06-23T08:29:00.002+08:00

I have no life. But I have a reason to be happy.

I'd waste for Gunners, but not for school

2011-06-11T20:30:00.002+08:00

Kalau tak dapat permission from HEM, aku fly.

I have a concrete reason to not fall for anyone

2011-06-11T00:28:00.005+08:00

It's because I already had.

The saddest person always has the most beautiful smile.

2011-06-08T23:25:00.004+08:00

Semua orang sama. Kaya. Miskin. Cantik. Hodoh. Pandai. Bodoh. Semua sama. Darah yang mengalir dalam setiap badan manusia sama.

Merah. Pekat.

Yang membezakan kita adalah personaliti. Atau mungkin cara kita berfikir. We bring our personalities everywhere we go. That's a must. Orang selalu menilai kita, atau kita selalu menilai orang dengan cara seseorang tu dress up, atau kita tengok rambut dia mungkin, tak pun kulit dia. Kalau selekeh sikit, dah kata macam agas. Rempit. Dah kata tak berpendidikan. Dah kata miskin. Dah kata tak stylo. Kuno. Lopek. Apasal?

Tak pandai nak susun ayat. Cukup lah kalau ada orang boleh faham - Change your perception about orang yang berbeza tarafnya dengan anda. Tak semua orang sempurna kan, in fact tak ada pun. So why should you be proud of something that.. umm yang tak adalah membanggakan sangat pun. Hmm I went lepak lepak with some of my friends last evening. They introduced me with their other friends, and as usual I was never being interested in knowing new people in my life. Aku gerun juga dengan member-member dia orang, tak biasa. Even my first impression was, entah budak- budak apa-apa entah.

But guess what, 'budak-budak yang entah apa-apa' tu lah brightened up my days. Some of them seemed loaded, biasalah area bukit jelutong kan, but some of them nampak macam.. you know. Tapi one thing that I realized was, they were happy. I saw the happiness in their faces. Walaupun kita may describe diorang as lifeless, tak ada pendirian hidup, they are happy with their own lives. and so what. They do things that make them happy. I tell you what, today was the first day aku rasa kehidupan yang betul betul hidup. Yang menyala. Yang bernyawa. Hidup yang aku faham definisi dia. Hidup yang aku tak boleh terjemahkan dalam ayat, tapi cukup buat aku faham bila aku selami.

So there was this one guy named Dan. He asked me, why did I seem like I wasn't interested to join his gang. I gave him this very grumpy look when he sat beside me. So near. Goyang la juga, haha. But anyway, he was nice. Daju has a video of him, talking and dancing, also singing nasyid. Insyaallah I'll upload it sooner or later. He was inspiring, even though muka selenga selenga, sedap juga bila dengar dia speaking. Kalau aku tak datang tempat tu, memang sampai kiamat pun aku akan label that kind of creature tu, uneducated. Alhamdulillah. You see, Allah kalau Dia nak bagi, Dia bagi. So when we were talking, everyone came approaching us. Dia orang cerita punya cerita, gelak punya gelak, ada satu part, from nowhere it came, alih-alih Dan said,

"Hidup ni, tak payah nak ikut desire sangat. Ikut keperluan dah more than enough dah. Life is easy man, words can't tell. Kau buat benda yang kau rasa boleh buat kau happy. Dah."

He was right. Lepas tu everyone was asking each other 'apa buat kau happy, apa buat kau happy'. That part was cute, everybody laughed. I did, too. In the crowd Dan gave me a filter mask. Hesitate aku nak ambil, but then he made a very dork face and said 'bersih la, baru angkat'. We laughed again. I did, too.

And so then everyone started to get ready and prepared their sprays. Tiga kotak. Hariss ordered me to sit down, and see what's going to happen next. sebab dia pun bukan jenis budak street, so yeah we observed every single thing they were doing. Tuhan je tahu how flabbergasted and speechless I was, bila aku tengok they started to paint, without even sketching. Original draw je. They didn't even need strings to act as lines that separate drawings. Laju je. Baju tak kotor pun. Kemas. Boleh main gelak-gelak lagi.

Mungkin orang kata budak-budak street uneducated. But the truth is, they are gifted.

And they are happy. I am, too. Alhamdulillah.

Bob, nama aku tu. Aku tau.

Think before you think

2011-06-07T15:55:00.004+08:00

A Christian guy asked a Muslim:
"Why do your women cover up their bodies and hair?"

The Muslim guy smiled. He got two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the Christian:
"If I ask you to take one of the sweets, which one would you choose?”

The Christian replied:
"The covered one"

Then the Muslim man said:
"That’s how we treat our Muslim women..”

via facebook

This is so sweet. I was touched, I almost cried reading someone posted this on his wall. But somehow people, I still need you guys to open up your mind.

Firstly on the last dialogue, you could see the Muslim guy said "That’s how we treat our Muslim women". Imagine if that particular Muslim guy was actually Malaikat which God sent, what was actually his message? Maybe the word 'we' he mentioned there, means Al-Quran. But not every single one of us, Muslim women or girls cover up their bodies and head. Even though we know that Al-Quran leads us to the right path, some of us still haven't follow it yet. Whenever I ask any friends of mine who haven't cover up their heads.. yet, the answer would be 'Belum dapat hidayah..' Right, I know I still need to respect you guys, because somehow yes, I know I still need to correct myself. But why don't we learn together and correct each other, eh?

You need to stop hoping that on one fine day, God will give you hidayah or wahyu straight away, like Sham Kamikaze for instance, no. In the first place, you need to help yourself. In order to get straight A's in your examination, you first need to work hard. And it goes the same.

'One can only change herself. Only herself.'

But somehow, we can't compare ourselves with sweets, of course not. It's not because comparing us with sweets is very humiliating, but we are two different things. We are living things, and with that we have brains, and minds. We can think. Prove is, the Christian guy up there chose the covered sweet rather than the dirty one. Because he could think what's the best for him. Can't you think what's the best for you? It's yourself. You should know. But people nowadays, I could say 'Tak ada otak' (it includes me). Our artists explain. A lot, in fact. So like I've said in my past entry, every single one of us need something, or someone to hold on to. So let's correct each other. But always remember that only you can change you.

"Orang sekarang kalau pakai tudung pun, ada jugak dedah dedah dia tu. Yang pakai tudung tu pun, entah betul entah tidak"

Why must all bad things are always spreading fast instead of good things? If I say about a famous 14 years old who is the one in trending topic of worldwide in Twitter as well as Facebook, who you might think she is? I bet you know. I went to her fake fan pages in Facebook, there are many minie more of harsh words been thrown. Speaking like a bloody holy being divine messenger. Well, if that's the way she is, then let her be, take it as a salt of the earth. When we look at our own faults, we'll find so many faults that we won't have time to look for other people faults. So think before you think.

I'd rather be me than boring

2011-06-07T12:27:00.005+08:00

I do this to reduce my boredom, not hoping anyone to read.

Name : Scarlett Johansson
Brother(s) : Hunter Johansson
Eye color : Red
Shoe size : 7
Hair : Purple
Piercings : None
Height : 165cm
What are you wearing right now : T-shirt and shorts
Where do you live : Jb
Favorite number : 6
Favorite drink : Redbull
Favorite month : December
Favorite breakfast : Roti canai

HAVE YOU EVER
Broken a bone : No
Been in a police car : No
Fallen for a friend : No
Fallen for a guy/girl in a short period of time : No
Swam in the ocean : Rarely
Fallen asleep in school : Always
Broken someone's heart : Isn't it a hobby? At least mine.
Cried when someone died : Izzat Izzudin
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : No
Saved e-mails : Of course
Been cheated on : Always

WHAT
Your room look like : Smells so good, so clean, so perfect.
What is right beside you : A plate - some slices of red velvet cheese cakes on it
What is the last thing you ate : Above explains
Who did you last yell at : Hmmm hmmm
Who was the last person you danced with : My little bother Amir
Who last made you smile : Ibu

FINAL QUESTIONS
What are you listening to right now? : Nothing
What did you do today? : Makan, so far
Are you the oldest? : No
Indoors or outdoors? : OUTDOORS

TODAY DID YOU
Talk to someone you like? : No
Kiss anyone? : No
Sing? : Not yet
Talk to an ex? : No
Miss someone ? : No
Eat? : Of course

LAST PERSON WHO
You talked to on the phone? : Acai
Made you cry? : Gunners.
You went to the mall with? : The Trois
Who cheered you up? : The Trois

HAVE YOU
Been to Mexico?: No
Been to USA? : No

RANDOM
Have a crush on someone? : Emmmmmmmm
What book are you reading right now? : Ladies and Gentlemen by Adam Ross
Best feeling in the world : When you're sad, and you see Nick is shirtless :p
Future kids name? : lala, lili, lolo
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? : No
What's under your bed? : Nothing
Favourite sport(s) : Football and Basketball and High Jump and Hurdles.
Favourite place : Emirates Stadium.
Who do you really hate? : Cats
Do you have a job? : No

Recent picture of myself and 20 interesting facts about me
You might don't think they are interesting, anyway.

1. I don't like my last name - or the meaning to be exact.

2. I don't like boys, girls neither.

3. I have my own perceptions about life - there's no such wrong in perceptions, so I go with my own.

4. I love debating - Some people might say I'm an egomaniac. But the truth is, I just want to defend and prove for what I think is right, and what I think is wrong.

5. I love drawing, I love jamming, I love sports. But my only ambition is, to be a businesswoman.

6. I prefer to feel music by lyrics, not by beats.

7. I might look indecent, but I don't throw out bad words when I'm mad.

8. I don't live by trends. I wear what I like.

9. I can't think and sleep when I'm hungry.

10. I don't like gentle/macho kind of guys. They are boring.

11. I don't smile often, I just show off my teeth.

12. I LOVE TO MAKE FACES or orang melayu kata 'buat muka'.

13. I am not participating in this year's Sport's Day. Pathetic, eh?

14. I don't like my friends, but I appreciate them.

15. I drink nescafe/cappuccino during school hours, so that I'd not fall asleep.

16. I DO think money brings happiness. A lot, in fact.

17. Sometimes when I'm praying, I wish I could die in that particular moment.

18. Says who I don't cry. I always want to cry, but the tears don't let themselves fall. So I picture my feelings through eating, or shredding paper into pieces.

19. I socialize, but in my very kind of way. So why don't you ask? XD

20. I hate cats. and all the animals.

Oh, humans too.

Deep inside my tears I drown

2011-06-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

I’m not the type to get upset and cry.

I don’t have a strong reason to cry.

But I’ve been waiting for years. Not just days or months, but YEARS.

I’ve seen Manchester United came, and I’ve watched Chelsea’s game. BUT GUNNERS?

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYY DOES 13TH JULY HAS TO FALL ON WEDNESDAY? WWWHHHHYYYY???!!

I’ve never wasted my tears when bbs lost. NEVER. Because I believe they will keep on going, going, and going. When I was in my first year at TKC, I mean on the first week, I cried. Not because I missed mom, or dad. But because it was the day which for the first time, I missed Arsenal’s match. and what more it was against Barcelona.

I can't come, because I have school to be attended.

And that is the biggest scarification I have ever done, for school.

To picture my life, boy you need a higher resolution

2011-05-30T12:26:00.004+08:00

"What brings me to who I am now, is what inspires me"

I jot down everything I want to share with others, about what I know. But I don’t know much though - I just bother about myself, my family, my friends, people around me – who come and go. To me the world is the biggest classroom with God, as Teacher the Almighty. I learn a lot from that – from life. I’m no good in poetry, to make people feel like they are not standing on their own feet. I just write on what I feel and what I want others to feel. I want to picture lives, but unlike my dad, I can’t draw, I can’t paint my feelings. And to sing, I can’t sing my lungs out, I can only scream. In silence. with pain. I don’t have the arts and skills, hence I can’t shout out by doing graffiti on any walls.

and I actually can’t write. I just throw out, and spill. What I see, what I hear, what I feel. WHAT INSPIRES ME.

The 100% beauties are 99% idiot

2011-05-29T01:10:00.006+08:00

"Do not ever pretend to be someone whom you are not just because you want people to see you as an angel, as someone who keeps her pride and honor as a girl"

KEEP.YOUR.PRIDE.

Life is shorter than most have thought

2011-05-27T14:06:00.003+08:00

"Today I discovered a new life. A life with the one and only Allah. There's no world in it. Just life."

It's 4am on a Friday morning, and I should be asleep under my covers, not awake and typing this out. I just can't seem to fall asleep. I'm due to rise in two hours, and I was due to sleep five hours ago, but I don't mind. Maybe it's insomnia, or maybe it's just how I like to live. Thoughts are swirling around my mind in a jumble that I can't seem to understand, and at this peaceful moment, where I'm alone in my room, with just my music and no disturbances, it seems okay. I guess it's okay because right now, I can just think those thoughts one by one. Even though I don't know the answers to some of the questions, even though I don't understand why these thoughts plague me in the first place, it's okay. I'm okay, with me. In fact, I'm great with me.

Anyway somehow I understand a bit. I mean, I get the meaning of life, without words have to be spoken. Now that I knew why wasn't I happy enough even though I had everyone, and almost everything around me. Why was I stubborn enough to just do my own things without listening to others...

..that was because I was far far far away from Allah. It's true that I never left my prayers, as well as reading al-quran everyday. Alhamdulillah. But believe it or not, by just praying, and reading Al-quran wouldn't make you understand what life is all about. You know, and you can, but you don't understand. So I thought what's the point? And from what I observed, like for instance during the examination. Most students sleep in the class while their teachers are teaching, and that kind of students usually don't study UNLESS they are in exam weeks. You know what I mean? We'll only look for Allah if we are in trouble. We don't pun on any extra ibadah during our happy times. Not many people ask for Allah's help during their happy times, so grab a chance. That particular time is the time where Allah listens to you, and approves your doas. But if Allah has not accept your prayers yet, do not give up. I read somewhere at school - that is because Allah says, he likes to hear one's voice that is praying, and would like to hear it longer.

I live a busy life, real busy. I do same things everyday, I get bored, and ended up by being upset. But past few days I managed to discover many things that could make me happy, Alhamdulillah. All this while I might have said I love the kind-of-elegant life, but no I actually don't. I just need to be my entire self, though I still don't get it. I just need to do things that could carve a smile on my face. That can blow away my sadness. That can stop me from rolling down tears. And that is by being me, being who I am without listening to what people want to say. Well of course, I care a little. Somewhere deep down inside, everyone has this little part of them that feels ruffled by it and I'm not going to pretend I don't have that part in me. Every time I say I don't care, there's a bit of a lie behind that because I most probably do, even if it is just a tiny bit.

Some of us might don't have to sketch before we color, but some of us still need to sharpen the pencil first. That process is what we call learn. When your drawing is beautiful in your eyes, you'd be more enthusiast to finish it, but if it does not turn out to be as how you wish it would, you'll lose hope. And that's why everyone needs something to hold on to, and someone to inspire. Every single one of us. Even when you say you don't. Even when you think you don't. Me? I have Allah, and for that I'm grateful.

The real definition of happiness

2011-05-26T21:56:00.003+08:00

Farzana
Mira
Leni
Amni
K.Nathrah
K.Khalif
K.Marzuqah
K.Alin
K.Tarmizah
K.Damia
Hariss
Naim
Amza
Wan

Thanks for all the great accompanies. This whole week has been the best week of the year, so far. I'm going to miss all those matches, jobs we done together, the laughs, the cries. HKSBP brightened my days, when I had no reason to be happy. Thank you, may you guys be blessed :)

I'm sorry but.. I'm just being me

2011-04-25T11:28:00.004+08:00

Ina, you're an egomaniac. Do I make myself clear? -Fyaa

Nak kata selfish, kau tak. Kau ni keras kepala, ego senang cakap. -Nadz

Yaya, susah la cakap dengan kau ni. You have to know the differences between kau value kan pride, dengan pentingkan ego. Beza. -Rayyan

Don, I respect you for explaining what's right and what's wrong. Tapi gaya kau ni macam nak menang je. Kemenangan kau tu atas ego kau yang orang pun dah malas nak layan. -Mya

Ego tu adalah ibu kepada selfish. -En. Razif

I've seen her kindness and I've seen her strength. This girl has a lot to offer but she just doesn't know it yet. She thinks she's the definition of unenthusiastic, but to a particular person she's the definition of his true happiness. You're near to perfect. But you're just ego, Mira. Ego. -Alan Hariss

One best word to describe human is, HYPOCRITE.

2011-04-08T09:32:00.003+08:00

I'm going emo on this post since I can't tolerate anymore keeping this story all by myself. If you're not interested to read, then you better not read. This is more to self rambling post to release my tense, anger and disappointment to myself.

MID YEAR EXAM IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER and yet I am still busy with sports. I don't have a study-timetable and.. my brain now is like a piece of plain a4 paper. No matter what the color is, it's blank.

Honestly, if I have a boyfriend and he wears flip flops, I won't mind

Every person has their limits, anyhow I'm pushing my boundaries and overcome my limits. We can only fall for one person. Ever.

I'm staying, being like this for good. At least I'm comfortable with who I am now. I don't need any attention from you, take it all to your....

If you're reading this, don't be a denial. Yes this post is truly dedicated to you.

What I learn from today is, do not expect tomorrow

2011-04-01T09:25:00.005+08:00

I met new people. I expand my social circle and absorb fresh ideas with new people.

But old new, nothing changes. People come and go. No one stays.

I've been standing still, and I'm tired

2011-03-25T09:05:00.005+08:00

One day, I would quit calling myself pathetic. I'm tired to have beat up myself with my own voice.

Happiness is something that can be created

2011-03-19T23:15:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I'm happy when time flies so fast. H.A.P.P.Y.

One mind, in two bodies

2011-03-18T10:13:00.003+08:00

My best friend in Arsenal is definitely Aaron Ramsey. We always have a good time together - Nicklas Bendtner

Close your eyes, when you open them everything's different.

2011-03-17T21:51:00.004+08:00

I wish I was the kind of person who had the courage to stand up and fight for what I want, for what I think is right and what I think I deserve instead of being the kind that doesn't like to start drama, so I just sit down and keep my mouth shut. Everything you have could disappear in a heartbeat. People change and you don't realize it until all that change weighs too much and can't be held back anymore, and it hits you in the face.

I never felt this tired, and lifeless before. I never wanted to cry, I even never wanted to whine. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER but I just did.

Take me away, to better days

2011-03-16T20:36:00.006+08:00

*screwfeelingsscrewfeelings*

This guy has all my love

Happy Birthday, Theo. We want you back soon :'(

This picture is just... awesome boss, A.W.E.S.O.M.E

All you have to do is, believe it

Credits to tumblr

My prayers are not complete, without Arsenal in it

2011-03-16T10:26:00.006+08:00

"I know this Arsenal team and I am sure we can go on and win the title. If I can play a part in that, so much the better,"

"It never crossed my mind that I might end up saving it [Arsenal's keeper crisis]. But when they asked me, I was more than happy to oblige,"

"It was just over the last few days that they contacted me to see if I could help out for the rest of the season and I agreed straight away."

Jens' statement with Rambo's gif, eh? Riiiiighhhht.

So, our former goal keeper will be back. Surprising, no? Jens was an excellent keeper before the 'No 1' jersey was given to Aluminium due to his bad performance before he left Arsenal for Stuttgart. But, now he's back. As if our Boss has lost his confidence towards Aluminium. But here's a thing. When Lehmann's didn't perform well back in 2009, Almunia was the one who replaced him and at that time, he showed his best.

But now everything changed. It's vice verse. Almunia is now at Lehmann's place, where no one had faith in him. ANYMORE. But yeah, let's hope Jens could give us a high commitment.

"It goes without saying, I would love to go back there. I hope one day I can go back, I love that club and I just want to give as much as possible to this club, after what that club gave me."

"…although I left Arsenal, you never really leave Arsenal. Whenever I go back I feel like I have gone home, it’s a big family and I became a fan of the club."

We all here, are missing you, Thierry Henry.

I have only one heart

2011-03-14T20:34:00.003+08:00

with many pieces

Don't put on a fake slang when you're talking, it doesn't sound nice anyhow

2011-03-13T21:58:00.005+08:00

Hello everyone. I just done watching beastly(which I downloaded for almost 4 hours) and I can’t help Alex’s hotness and his accent. But anyway, I am going to teach you the basics of knowing an English accent. Yeah, I should’ve make a video but I’m just not good in making one.

The first step is the ‘O’. The ‘London’ ‘O’. So, we don’t say oww (For instance; Ohh, your cat just died? NO). Like Australians always say, ‘Helleow’. It’s the kind of chewing ‘O’. The ‘E’ that is added has to be thick. Like what we have here; Seoww (So), Neoww (No), etc.

Step two is the R. We don’t say ‘ARR’. We say ‘ah’ (The h is pretty much silent h, you know). Like for instance; Bieber is not sexy in Beish(British) accent. He’s not a Betan (Britain), he’s a Canadian. (Try to put a slang on those bold words, but not too thick)

Next, U. Like most of you might say, You Tub (YouTube). You’re going to chenit (change it) into Iyuw Tiyub. You know, it’s like, pronounce the ‘U’ in the most expressive way. Yeah.

4th step, practice to repeat sentence with letters that rhyme. This one I found on internet; how now brown cow? (hiow niow breown ceow?). Okay, that one was silly, I can make one; There are a lot of hot scouts (Deh ah a lot of hot scots). A, lot, of and hot HAVE to be pronounced thick. Yeah, that’s how you practice your ‘OW’

Step 5, pronouncing T. Americans or Canadians English they don’t say T, they say D. They say ‘Diudiy’ they don’t say D.U.T.Y. (And oh, don’t say diu-ieh) . Well, I use T not D. Yes, not all people are used to say T as D. Like, umm have you ever watched Harry Potter? You noticed that Hagrid says Harry Po-eh. Some people do say that, like if you’re more to Manchester accent, then you’re going to say Harry Po-eh (silence double Ts). I don’t say Harry Po-eh, I say Harry Potta :p

Last one, is the H. We don’t say H at the beginning of the word. As in, erb, not herb. Or something. We do pronounce the H somewhere like, Hat. By the way hya(here) are few words that we say COMPLETELY different than Americans say.

Privacy - Americans say PRAIVESI. We don’t say praivesi, we say, PRIVESI.
Process - We don’t say Preses, we say Pruses (Don’t make the ‘u’ sounds so thick)
Vitamins - Americas say VAITEMINS, we say Vitemin.
Aluminum - We don’t say Aluminum, we say, ALUMINIUM.
(I’m not really sure bout British, but Australians say delete as, DELIT)

Umm we use a lot of things differently. We don’t call garbage can, we call rubbish bin. Another hint, when you’re trying to do another accent, you need to have a backup word. Meaning like, I say, ah and umm. You as an American or Canadian say, ahhandumm (you know, it goes fast). You need to figure out how we say our backup words. If you want, find someone who is British, not necessarily to teach you British accent, but find the video. Watch some talks, and pick up the words. Another one, maybe you should find a British dictionary internet, or something. And find those different words that we use differently. That helps because when I was trying to learn an American accent, I had to go and find words they use differently. Like you guys say cabinets, we don’t.

So pretty much that’s all. I just think with this accent, we look smarter and more educated. And so does in spelling by the way. I hope this tutorial helps (and you better appreciate, I took almost an hour to do this). Till then.

You're not dead, you can still wake up

2011-03-13T13:33:00.010+08:00

Get well soon Djorou :')

[original picture]

The heartthrob is Kosel, in case you're wondering [original picture]

[original picture]

Although the result didn’t go our way, it was great to see Rambo back in an arsenal shirt. He simply is the most adorable human being in the entire universe. Hoping to see more of him on pitch :’)

All the pain, disappointment, and the heartbreaking moments, the feeling like you just want to disappear from the surface of planet Earth, tears purring down your face like the Nile river.

I love it. I enjoy every minute of it. You gotta have more lives if you are a Gooner. And here I am, still alive to die another day.

I refuse to give up on my team. Our time will come. GO BBS!

ps: Thanks to all Gooner pals for the helps of getting those pictures :)

If I said my heart was beating loud

2011-03-12T23:05:00.002+08:00

that means I'm missing you.

Truth it tough, it will not break

2011-03-12T22:48:00.003+08:00

I was bored so I decided to google and bought some pictures of my bbs (since they're facing Devils on FA Cup tonight, I thought I should do some wanna-win spirits). I only uploaded few edited-pictures, but if you want more original copies then don't feel hesitate to ask. Just some pictures from some matches I took, they're cute so enjoy :)

Before everything starts, say Hi to my latest wallpaper!

#1-It's so sweet to see that everyone concers bout Rambo.
#2-Robin is such a bully. It's the hair no one can touch!

Nick, I see you sneak an arm around Rambo's waist 0.o

Look at what Nick mumbled in the 2nd gif.

The height difference

Just some pictures against Wolves (2-0) I collaged.

COME ON YOU GUNNERS!

I have an attitude problem, I know who I am

2011-03-12T11:43:00.002+08:00

Life has been tonnes of shits, I swear. I'm not excited with the appearance of this holiday, going back isn't something I'm expecting. I am not worth to be noticed. Everyone has their own lives, and they seem to enjoy the life as how it is.

It's pretty awkward to feel each second that pasts by, cause I usually didn't even realize that a day just ended.

I woke up a freakin' 10am today, I hate the feeling of a wasted day, I am wasted, yes and now it's almost 12. Even eating is a chore, why am I so lazy? This isn’t me, I’m better than this. My eyesight is like, getting worse cause I’m spending too much time in front of my laptop. WITHOUT A PURPOSE.

I have pretty adapted to this new life.

Unfortunately, my brain isn't.

You can count on me, like 1 2 3

2011-03-04T09:27:00.003+08:00

Hello. It has been ages since the last time I blogged. I’ve been so much busy with basketball practices and matches here and there, police cadets shooting stuff, English Drama, dorm stuffs, studies, well I guess that’s it. You see, 2011 has been the busiest year, so far. BUSIEST. I don’t have time to even remember the date, and normal things like home or internet, no. I have no time to keep in touch with my friends at Jb cause, ahh I told you I don’t have time to. But you know, being busy is the best way to avoid you from feeling alone. Time flies so fast, you’ll appreciate every single second given by God.

To sleep.

Hahaha lol. So yeah basically I have so many things that are still undone, but I’m going back next week –am I not excited?- Anyway, I went to Mid Valley last two weeks with some of my friends during daily outing and we watched No Strings Attached. We wanted to watch Alex Pettyfer but Kutcher caught my attention more, so yeah. The movie was umm great. No Strings Attached means nothing can happen between Adam and Natalie (Portman). Nothing as in, no baby-voices out, any texting, flowers etc, they just have to act like normal friends after they accidentally had sex this one morning. The cutest part of the movie was when Kutcher gave Natalie kind-of-flowers-spinach-and-carrots-at-the-bottom, Kutcher's a heart-throb, no doubt man. But the question is, can sex friends remain best friends?

Enough with entertainment, come to education. Fuihhh my results are like shits but worse. I feel so bad to disappoint my parents for that, but they are not mad, they laugh instead. I promised Ayah to be better next round. RIGHHHHTTTTT. Honestly I didn’t study much due to the lackness of studying time, too much basketball practices even on exam days, and overdosed-sleeps, probably :p

Pretty much that’s all for now. Till then.

In case you miss me

2011-02-11T09:45:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to like Science, Alhamdulillah

With every step you climb epl table

2011-02-06T01:07:00.006+08:00

"defense has been shambled after Djourou is subbed off, but it's the red card on Diaby that really change this match for Arsenal" - tumblr

PHIL DOWD IS SHIT AND A DISGRACE and Sagna is yellowcarded for protesting "~~FUCK OFF~~ PHIL DOWD" and Barton and Best as well as Tiote can please go die now.

Theo's goal after 40 seconds, even Djorou scored after 3 minutes, and Persie's brace DON'T BRING ANYTHING and I swear I'm not happy tonight. NOT HAPPY.

Pardon me for being kinda emotional but I just think the match was unfair as bbs deserved to win the game. True that the referee was pfffffftttt enough as many of us have expected. Nasri, Denilson and Song are out and now we're losing Diaby for 3 games which could be costly for us. Gunners, wake up from your naps, bbs T________T

Can we pretend that white clouds in the day skies are like marshmallows?

2011-02-05T13:03:00.006+08:00

Just some old pictures of Nick I suddenly felt like uploading.

There are only two times I want you to stay this cute; it’s now and forever.

One day I'll be able to tear away a part of me

2011-02-04T23:08:00.004+08:00

Cause God created us to complete each other. Similarities don't harmony the world.

Care to ease the pain, you vain

2011-02-03T01:06:00.008+08:00

says who I hate the homework givers?

I should be studying now but the temptation to turn around the chair and go online; I just can't help it. So yeah. I love homework, yes I do. Homework means I shouldn't go out and have fun with creatures around me, I don't have to waste my money on things that are unnecessary. Even for now, story books aren't necessary. Well, since I found out 2011 has been the busiest year so far, for me, I need to finish my readings on education books first.

Most people would say I'm an antisocial. I AM NOT. Believe it or not, I can get along with people easily, even with teachers. It's not about who they are, it's about how they are. Like how I interact with my teachers for instance, I'll make the so-not-excited-face and I won't look at them when they are talking to me. Well, I admit I do that to certain teachers whom I think don't deserve my smile. You see, judging from the way I talk to my teachers, people would say either I'm cool or I'm rude. That is not going to change who I am. I am a student and all I have to do at school is study, study and study. I know teachers are the so-educated ones, they can be so motivated at times, and they say they sacrifice for us. I don't doubt on that, true that, they sacrifice their energies and times they should've been spending with family just for the students.

But hey, are you going to say the labourers sacrifice their energies and their smooth hands just for the sake of our comfortableness? I don't think so.

It's just the same you know. We work for something or someone. I used to mindset - a've been through so much pain, and one day if I succeed, I won't share the happiness with anyone else. I SACRIFICE FOR ME. But now it changed. I need good results, my mom deserves to smile and be proud. I owe that to her. For everything that she's done for me, I have to at least make her smile. To gain good results, I first NEED to respect my teachers and I shouldn't annoy them with my bitchy face.

But not all teachers are nice, not all teachers are concern.

NOT ALL TEACHERS RESPECT THEIR STUDENTS AS HOW THEY WANT TO BE RESPECTED.

Open my eyes.. it was only just a dream

2011-02-02T15:33:00.006+08:00

Gunners keep on stressing Devils when my bbs won 2-1 against Everton last night. Everton preceded by Saha's goal on the 24th minute. When Kicky was substituted with Arsha, Arsha scored 20 minutes after the second half started, followed by Kosel's goal around 5 minutes later when he headed the ball passed through Howard. The game completed Arsenal's 7-games-without-loss.

The record is in danger, though when Saha's goal controversy is put into the picture. It was about Kos who interrupted Saha who was in the offside line and ahh I don't know how to explain that. LOL.

They missed loadsa chances; the most valuable chances were when Robin's backheel to Cescy didn't work; and the other one is when Robin's lob went across (It was Wilshere's ball if I'm not mistaken). Oh did I mention that the 2nd half was pretty boring before Arsha was in? Robin's free kick even worsen the game cause some might have thought the match will end up draw; It has been 15 years since Everton put Arsenal down.

13/15 huh, Toffees? *smirks*

That is what I did on Nick's birthday.

Take a bullet straight through my brain

2011-02-01T20:35:00.004+08:00

who can stand looking at aaron's lickable milky skin?

This is not about Jack's and Gibby's same clothes,
it's about Nick's massive hand, look.

Tell me whose face is not clear in your eyes.

The source of my happiness.

I won't want to turn back time

2011-01-28T09:00:00.000+08:00

One day, your name will be forgotten

I wasn't perfect but I made life worth it

2011-01-02T02:54:00.008+08:00

This is one of the hardest moments in life; Leave what you are having.

So yeah, as you guys know it's 2nd of January and tomorrow might be the most memorable day for some new students in their new schools. But not for me. I gotta leave my house, my parents, my oh-please-die-now siblings, the friends I made; the joys, all those. I will just... miss them all.

I'll be rarely updating my blog as well as facebook cause I have a real life to be attended. Drop anything you want, I'll try to my best ability to reply. Trust me, you're gonna feel my absence.

Does new year bring new reasons to smile?

2011-01-01T00:11:00.003+08:00

Look at what I've got on 2011's night.

I'm not going to eat until Le Boss lemme play -.-'

“Aaron is not completely ready yet [for the Premier League] but he has been practising every day with the group for two months. I hope that when he comes back he should be ready in February.” [source]

nah it's alright bb, you still have Carling Cup and FA Cup to play for! Happy New Year, Rambo!

Transition of a boy turning into a man, Happy New Year, Nick.

Say what you want, I'm not hearing

2010-12-31T13:53:00.005+08:00

One thing I hate about life is, TIME. It never understands me. If flies so fast, as if it boards on a plane, flies with the pilot, and leaves me. I am sick of hearing each ‘tick’ of the clock, telling me 2011 is coming.

Honestly, I’m happy 2010 is ending. But every year is a year, lots of same things happened, I lost count. Some are left unnoticed, how silly it is when we chase something that is not running? I ended up living by being alone for most of the time. Be it, being single or in a relationship will not change who I am today. It’s not a big deal if my friends put me away; I do my own things and so do they. I never wished to be respected cause this goes in bold, if you want to be respected, you have to respect others first.

Being alone, I mean without boyfriend is never hard for me. Well even though sometimes friends are not always here by my side, I feel like the world is mine, even though I know there’s nothing to be lived up. I surrender; it’s up to you to like me or not, I am me, deal with it.

Screw me for what am saying, I’m just not interested to live, I surrender to the world.